I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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