found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
