Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
