My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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