you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
