From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
