My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
