Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
bring money and cleavage
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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