margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
