She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
