im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
