I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
