please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize