dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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