Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
