i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
