im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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