Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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