3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
