Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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