Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
