The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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