and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
