saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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