I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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