So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
