I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
