That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
