yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
