doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
