dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
