what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
