there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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