Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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