Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
