oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
