His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
