We're facebook friends in real life
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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