You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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