I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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