my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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