You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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