you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize