My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
