I'm passing your future prison.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
