We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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