No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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