My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize