What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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