Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize