he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Every concussion has its silver lining
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
