I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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