Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
