woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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