Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
