im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
