Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
