Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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