did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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