My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
