so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
