Yo dont text me then not text me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
