Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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