Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
