so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
