three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize