what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
