at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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