I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
