New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
