a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
