Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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