There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You ruined the universe
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
