Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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