He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
