Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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