I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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