i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
