Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
