I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
