Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
