I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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