My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
