I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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