Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
