shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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