he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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