There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
