so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just had sex on a roof
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
