i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
