I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
