I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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