Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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