I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
