first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
