Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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